is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
