Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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