You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
