Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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