If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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