my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
