So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
