This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
