we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
