He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you made out with another girl for some wings
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
