just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
