just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
True college students do jello shots in the library
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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