Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
