Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
