The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
