I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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