Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
