Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
