all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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