I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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