someone threw a dead crab at me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
