My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
