idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
