I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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