what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
