I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
