Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
