he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
