I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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