is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
