She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
