I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pooping to opera.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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