I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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