Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
