I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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