please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
