Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
