She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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