My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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