I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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