I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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