i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize