just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
