i think i have two assholes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
