I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
