I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
