I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
