a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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