69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
