can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
