super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
