I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
