I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
