i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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