whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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