Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize