My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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