just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
