why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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