they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
