So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
