I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
