the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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