I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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