i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
