You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
