All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize