I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Houston, we have a blender
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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