Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
