It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
