You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
as a side note pls kill me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
