Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
