Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
